Insecurities… There isn’t a person who doesn’t have them, some are just better at hiding or dealing with them than others.
It is a common problem that we worry about what other people think of us, if we are good-looking enough, smart enough, worthy enough. We worry that we fail, we worry that our insecurities and flaws are found out, we worry that we aren’t good enough.
Social media is exacerbating this issue with its culture of wanting to get approval with likes and retweets, but the most important question is: How do we overcome our insecurities? How do we learn to be OK with ourselves and find contentment with who we are.
Before we can start to ditch our insecurities, we have to figure out where they come from. Some may come from a simple comment a classmate made when you were in high school, others may stem from a critique from a loved one that stayed with you. No matter where your insecurities come from, it’s important to remember that the people who tried to bring you down and planted those insecurities in you, are the ones who actually have the insecurities.
While it may not always be easy to ditch our insecurities, here are our TOP 10 tips on how to get rid of them and live a happier, more secure life.
#1 Take Stock of Your Value
When we feel insecure, we are most of the time focusing on something that we feel like is lacking about ourselves. Remember your strengths and qualities and know what you have to offer to the world. Think about all the valuable personality traits that make you such a fantastic person. You may be trustworthy, kind, supportive, loving, smart, a good communicator… Whenever you feel like insecurities are coming up, change your perspective and focus on what you have to offer and you feel more secure in no time.
#2 Forgive Your Past
As we mentioned earlier, insecurities can come from a person who has criticized us in the past. Recognize this and start to forgive that person. Understand that the critique was driven by the insecurities of the person who criticized you, who is struggling to overcome their own demons. They acted imperfectly when they criticized you, but keep in mind, we all behave imperfectly from time to time. Understand what happened, forgive the other person – because holding on to grudges isn’t helping anyone – let go of the past and move on to a brighter, more secure future.
#3 Build Self-Esteem
Insecurities lead to poor self-esteem and whenever we don’t feel good about ourselves, we are looking for outside validation. However, getting approval from someone else is always a losing situation, because when our well-being depends on someone else, we give away our power and nobody wants to carry this kind of burden. Feeling good about who you are on the other hand is a win-win for everybody. You will experience an incredible sense of joy and well-being when you genuinely like yourself and developing this kind of self-confidence and self-esteem is a quality that attracts the right people into your life and people will be drawn to you. Learn to silence your inner critic, practice self-compassion and focus on all the aspects of yourself that you love and you can ditch insecurities in no time.
#4 Practice Self-Approval
Whenever you notice that you are looking for someone else’s praise, approval or attention, pause for a moment and replace that desire for approval with self-approval. Give that power back to yourself because you don’t need anyone else’s approval but your own. We are not saying that you don’t want a genuine connection with others, but you can love another person and be loved by them while practicing self-approval. All you ever need is to accept yourself and love yourself completely.
#5 Accept All of Yourself
Pause for a moment and assess yourself. Remember, we took stock of all our values earlier, now we are asking you to notice the parts of yourself that you don’t like as well. Send some love to the parts of you that you don’t particularly like. None of us is perfect and you love your partner or friends just as much even though they have some imperfections. Give yourself some compassion like you would anybody else, embrace yourself fully and remember that every single part of you makes you that unique and special person that you are. Accept all of yourself and if you can’t accept something, change it. You are the master of your own universe and have the power to change anything you want.
#6 Surround Yourself with Supportive People
There are only a few people in your life that really get you. Whenever you feel insecurities coming up, make time to meet those people or if they live far away, call them. If you can’t remember what’s good and unique about yourself, they are the once who can remind you. When you surround yourself with supportive people who accept you fully, they will have no filter and will tell you honestly the truth. Find as many voices of truth in your life as you can and say good-bye to insecurities.
#7 Embrace Non-Comparison
Comparing ourselves to others is never useful and actively harms us. Whenever you get into the mode of comparing yourself to another person, see them as apples and oranges. Be happy for their success and be joyful that they are having fun. They are on a completely different journey than you are and it is possible that they can be happy and successful on their path while you can be happy and successful on your own. Wish everyone well, but remember that their awesomeness is different from yours and neither is better or worse.
#8 Stop Inventing Problems that Don’t Exist
We’ve all been guilty of this at one point or another, but inventing problems in our mind and believing them is a surefire way to self-sabotage. Too often we indulge in anxious predictions and worst-case scenarios that never come to light. The more problems we create in our mind, the more we will suffer and insecurity is often the culprit. Stop doubting yourself and realize your own worth. There are ups and downs in every life, remember that they are normal. Next time insecurities come up and you catch yourself, remember that the problem you see only exists in your mind. Learn to distinguish between what you imagine and what is actually happening in your life to take an important step forward towards self-confidence.
#9 Stop Being Dependent on Anyone but Yourself
Having trusted friends and family is a wonderful thing, but before you can enjoy a truly meaningful relationship, you need to learn to love yourself first and not make your happiness dependent on someone else. Maintain your sense of self and take care of your personal needs first and foremost and your relationships will have a much healthier balance and you feel more secure about your own life. Being an independent person makes you also a lot more attractive and interesting, so don’t forget to be your own person.
#10 Trust Yourself
Feeling secure depends on learning how to trust yourself. Trust that no matter what happens in your life, you are always there to take care of yourself. Trust yourself to know that your gut feeling tells you what is right for you and trust that your inner voice will tell you when something is off. When you trust yourself, feeling secure is a guarantee. Learn to trust yourself completely and insecurities will be a thing of the past.
Remember, nobody is perfect and we all come with some baggage. However, it is important to remember that in order to be happy, healthy and successful, it isn’t necessary to be perfect. Let go of your attention of what other people think of you and keep the focus on yourself and with that you will become a better, more secure version of yourself.
STOP FEELING INSECURE AND START LOVING YOURSELF
Joschi & Monika